You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
