Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
