My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
