i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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