RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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