Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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