She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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