I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We have started to decorate penises.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
