sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
