how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
