when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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