Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Boobs speak an international language.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
