Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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