I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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