trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I wear drunk well.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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