dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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