I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Will exercising make me less horny?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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