I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
