I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
