After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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