South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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