I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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