my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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