Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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