He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
