i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
