I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
