just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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