Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
