And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
