if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
