This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
