i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
