We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
