btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
