I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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