At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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