i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
