At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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