Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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