my soul wont recognize me after tonight
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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