please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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