My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
