Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i came on her dog
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
