fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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