doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
