Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
