I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
