well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
