He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
