My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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