someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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