I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
