He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
