Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
