I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
