My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
